Friday, May 15, 2015

Zen - Night Trips

And another Zen set! The full complete uncensored version. Carina’s nightmares continue with a revisit from demonic clown Balto, who still delights in teaching Carina the joys of bondage. And this time, he also pulls her friend into the dream to entertain a well-hung Minotaur. Using his dream magic, the clown clones himself to double Carina's pleasure. Reluctant at first, she quickly learns to enjoy the role of submissive little slut as she losses her anal virginity in this “dream”. It's 81 pics of nightmarish pleasure at

Featuring such classics as bondage, submission, restraints, oral, vaginal and anal sex, double penetration, hair pulling, monster sex, sweaty skin, huge cock, cum shots (including facial, ass/back cum, internal anal and internal vaginal), and pregnant. And it comes in both non-text and comic/story versions. Remember all sales go directly to the Zen, and he gets the most out of the purchase when you buy direct form his store.

And one thing I really have to stress is that Zen did an insanely awesome job with sweaty skin. Seriously, the set is worth buying for those pics alone. Everything else is just whip cream and gravy on top... wait, no, that sounds disgusting. Whip cream and cherries? Gravy and bacon? Whatever. The pics are fantastic, and you should buy the set.

Ok, so saw Fury Road today. And I'll tell you straight up, it's shit. Terrible fucking movie. Beyond Thunderdome was a better movie. Anyway, read some of the reviews a couple days ago, and thought "Wow, okay so maybe I was wrong, maybe it'll be awesome!". But a quote from the movie actually has relevance here - "Give up on hope, it only leads to madness". And I had hope it was gonna be good. And now I'm mad that it wasn't. Touche, movie, touche.

So y'know how normally I'm a bit coy about spoilers in these reviews? I try to mislead and obfuscate the spoiler. Fuck that. I will spoil the fuck out of this movie so that you don't make the mistake of going to see it. So basic premise is that Max needs to save a bunch of post-apocalypse supermodels from their psycho boyfriend/husband. No seriously, that is the fucking plot. Movie starts with Max and his "last of the V-8 interceptors"... y'know the one that was blown up in Road Warrior? .... 'kay. Anyway he's in his mysteriously reassembled car getting chased by the bad people... and 15 seconds later gets taken out like a bitch. Which is a pretty good allegory to what the movie did to the entire franchise. Except the movie is two tedious fucking hours of bad predictable bullshit.

So Max gets his ass kicked, and is turned into a caged blood donor for the psycho cult crazies who caught him. Cuz like everybody else in the world is dying from radiation. Except Max. And the supermodels. And stump-fetish Charlize Theron. Oh poor Charlize, how low your career has plummeted. Which is a good segueway into her character, since she is in the very next scene. So she is the most honored and badass driver of this cult of crazies. And strangely the only fighting woman among them (spidey sense!). Whatev, just show how badass she must be to rise to the top, right? And she's in command of the giant "war rig", which is just a copy-paste of the tanker truck from Road Warrior. Cuz like creativity sucks and stuff. Anyway turns out she rose to this position so she could escape this crazy bunch of cultists, and take the supermodels with her to a better "green" place. Which coincidentally enough, is a tribe run by women.

Wait. All the crazy cultists are men. The only decent people are women (and Max with his hipster stubble). And the wonderful green place (which later turns out to have been destroyed by men) is inhabited by women. Ohhhhhhh... It's one of THOSE movies. Which would be okay if it were like Sucker Punch (was a fun movie!). Bunch of chicks out kicking ass. Female empowerment. Rah! Rah!... Except it's not. It's the worst, most stereotypical, parts of feminism (note - there are plenty of good and very legit aspects of feminism - this movie does NOT include them) being crammed into your face over and over again throughout the entire film. Remember my ranting about the ham-fisted agenda pushing in Elysium? Pretty much the same fucking thing here. So that kinda turned it to shit. I'm here for a movie. I want a good story. Or at least a fun one. I'm not here to be indoctrinated into shitty vile ideals that are ironically enough the same exact thing they are purporting to fight against. It's just.... Ugghh!! Enough ranting.

So yeah, that was shit. Then the rest of the movie was like they just recycled the Road Warrior. Literally you could just loop the tanker chase scene and you have ALL of Fury Road. And then they added a giant dollop of stupidity on top of it. It's as if they consciously attempted to use as little creativity or brainpower as possible. The giant twin-engine "war-rig" runs just as fast with one engine as with two? Sounds reasonable. And while towing a tank with thousands of gallons of fuel it can out-run a pursuit vehicle? Sure. Why not? I mean that same V8 Interceptor was run down by a giant armored pickup truck in the first minute of the movie. So I guess that makes sense. Somehow. A lifetime of brain-washing can be undone in seconds by the smile of a redhead supermodel? 'Kay. Those same supermodels are enlightened and broad-minded enough to realize that one of the cultists that kept them prisoner in a rape-harem (y'know the one they desperately want to escape), well he was just an innocent victim of brain-washing and none of the batshit crazy stuff he's done is his fault? Not to mention wanting to cuddle with him, cuz who wouldn't want to cuddle with a former captor? Suppose it makes sense when the brain-washing can be undone with the aforementioned smile. Wait, wut? Could go on and on. Too late, I already am, huh? And no, it doesn't have to be a real-life documentary. It's an action movie, it can take liberties with reality. But it does at least need to not be so fucking senselessly stupid.

Oh, and the redeemed "war boy". He dies. Nobly sacrifices himself. Of course. Like that was any surprise. So predictable.

And in other news, with all the hype for the Witcher III: Wild Hunt, it seems there was a sale for the old games. So never having played a Witcher game, picked up Assassin of Kings for a measly three bucks (think the sale ended, sorry). Figured it'd be a great opportunity for more game research. And it proved very instructive. W2:AoK is an excellent example of what NOT to do in a game. It's a bad game. It's a very pretty game. And it has a very good story. But as a game, it's bad.

Controls are very gummy. Combat is slow to respond. Opponents can stun-lock you, while you are unable to do so to them. Boss fights that start in point-blank range after a cutscene. And the bloom. OMG the bloom. Too much bloom is a bad thing. And this game had waaaayy too much bloom. Oh and while the story itself is very good and highly detailed, it is not presented overly well at the end. There is no build-up to the "big reveal". It's just - welcome to the end boss fight, let me explain the whole plot to you, now would you like to fight?

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention - walking simulators do not make good games. Having to clear an area down a path for a quest, and then having to walk all the way back is exceedingly boring. Even more so if it spawns endless trash mobs (looking at you harpies). And spending three minutes staring at Gerald's back as he runs from the inn back to the same exact quest spot for the third time is boring. Loops that keep you engaged the entire time and bring you back to the place you started are good. Just walking to get there and back is not - doesn't fucking matter how pretty the scenery is after you seen it for the umpteenth time.

So yeah. All-in-all not a terribly good game. Don't care what fanbois say. Not good. Do not recommend. Maybe get it if it's $3 again, otherwise pass. Hopefully they fixed all that stuff for Wild Hunt. From the demo vids and early walkthrus looks like they have. But still gonna wait to be sure.


Trond said...

God I hate feminists... what they lack is a proper hard fuck by a totempole...

Carl Stupponder said...

how come you dont do work any more yours was the best

Anonymous said...

Makes sense your not a movie critic, given a overwhelming majority of critics, moviegoers, and even fans of the old Mad Max movies, have given Fury Road very high scores.

And you didn't like Witcher 2? Did you like Skyrim? Or Dark Souls? Which fantasy RPGs do you like praytell?

MongoBongo said...

An overwhelming number of people also like McDonald's. Doesn't make it good food.

And for a fantasy RPG I tend to like anything with a good story and good gameplay. With graphics just being bonus content. Doesn't really matter what kind of gameplay it is (realtime, turn-based, strategy, w/e) as long as it's consistent and works towards the enjoyment of the game rather than against it. And I tend to think of Dark Souls more of a hack&slash game rather than an RPG. As a H&S game it was good, as a story-based RPG it kinda sucked.

@Carl - Thnx. But a brief look thru past blog posts would explain why.

@Trond - Eh. Maybe the horrible stereotype psycho militant feminists. But the rest tend to have legit points.

Will Zenn said...

"An overwhelming number of people also like McDonald's. Doesn't make it good food."

Well said.

Have you played Mass Effect? The second one is fantastic but play all 3 if you can deal with the first ones awful graphics and game play lol the story and stuff id cool and decisions move with you game to game, until of course you ge to the crappy short cut of an ending in part 3 :0/

Trond said...

Mass Effect is the best game series I've ever played too. Not sure which one I like the most of ME2 or ME3 though, and the ending is not that bad considering there will be more games (yes, I know they won't follow the story and the same characters). You should start with ME1 though.

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